Dearest ones,
What a wild couple of months.
Just when life couldn't express itself more magnificently and ravingly alive, the death of my dear auntie hit me like an earthquake. Received the news as I was happily walking in the Cotswolds, one of my favourite spots in my beloved England.
Absolutely shattered in my own emotions - grief, loss, but also devotion, love and gratitude - for all the years we had shared, showing up as a mother figure - protective, providing emotional safety, becoming my confident for years.
Also realising how, with all of that, another set of emotions emerged: duty, responsibility and all sorts of expectations I did not know about until that precise moment. The invitation to step up, once more, as the family head to support, organise and "solve". Such an interesting crossroad that found me returning to the fixer, the pacifier, the problem solver roles. Something I had been carrying with me all my life and that I gave myself permission to start releasing just a few months ago, layer by layer.
All of this to say - we know nothing - we can plan, expect, forecast, predict, but they all fail to the grandiosity of life itself - we do not control much - in fact, anything to be precise.
And as much as our minds are trying to grip onto something, anything, to provide a sense of safety, of knowing, of certainty; the more we latch onto that possibility, the more resistance, pain and suffering we will be generating as a result.
We become limited and attached to that precise possibility - nothing else would serve - meaning unless that specific choice materialises, we will be unhappy and resistant - plus with that choice, we completely disregard any other potential combination and result life might be bringing us instead.
With that, my realisation is that the less we attach, expect, try to control, the more freedom and inner peace we create for ourselves.
Not knowing might sound scary at first - for our controlling minds - but it opens up to the infinite possibilities of what it can be, of what it will be.
I have also learnt, that for that "finding comfort in the discomfort", trust is our best ally. Hence the importance in cultivating it.
Trust in ourselves, in our capacities, in the process. In life.
Finally, I wanted to share a few heart-felt words that have provided comfort and ease when I needed it. May they find their way into your hearts, creating warmth, trust and compassion for ourselves and our processes:
ON GRIEF
Defined by my dearest friend when our beloved Karina passed away suddenly a couple of years ago:
"Grief is the exact measure of the love we have had for the person that we have lost. Grief is the legacy of that love, that has broken our heart and will carry that same spark with us, forever"
To what I would add:
A life well lived is a life that will break your heart, time and time again. With love, with loss. With life force that will fuel aliveness in your body, in your heart, in your mind, in your soul
Finally, sharing some precious words that came to me one frosty morning last week:
ON BREAKING FREE
Dissolving the illusion
Of the complex weaving of layers
That fail to be true
Opening a way
To simplify the reality of what it is.
Things are not complicated.
We make them incomprehensible
To fulfil our needs for importance, recognition and attachment.
What if we were able to let go of the grip
Of the prison that keeps us in
Providing a false sense of safety
And stepped into the marvellous open wild
Where we were always meant to be.
As darkness comes in, inviting us to dig deeper, look closer, slowly becoming more still.
To embrace the nuances, the small details. To acknowledge and embrace the life that actually takes place in between our planning and expectations.
Embracing our present selves, our sense of being.
Without the need to do or be anything else.
Thanks for your always wonderful and kind support.
Keep reading for a couple of announcements in the sections below.
Blessed Autumn to all,
With all my love and gratitude,
Monica & team x
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